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About me

Turkey Rick: The Grinch Turkey of the Holidays

Once upon a time, in a kitchen far, far away, there lived a turkey named Rick. Turkey Rick wasn’t your average gobbler—oh no. Rick was the foulest, most sarcastic bird in all the land, both in attitude and language. His feathers were ruffled, his beak was sharp, and his tongue was even sharper. He had two very clear goals in life:

Ruin every Thanksgiving dinner within a 100-mile radius.

Mock Christmas with such brutal sarcasm that even Santa would consider early retirement.

It all started the night Rick got cooked. Literally. One moment, he was strutting around the farm, smugly avoiding the farmer's axe with all the finesse of a turkey ninja. The next moment, he woke up on a silver platter, crispy-skinned and stuffed with sage. And boy, was he pissed.

“Are you kidding me?!” Rick yelled, his voice raspy and butter-basted. “I finally get out of the barn, and THIS is my glow-up? Served with cranberry sauce and a side of your Aunt Karen’s questionable green bean casserole?! Disrespectful!”

But Rick didn’t let death stop him. Oh no. In true petty fashion, he rose from the platter as a ghost turkey, determined to ruin the holidays for everyone. “Thanksgiving? A celebration of gluttony and awkward family conversations. Christmas? Don’t even get me started on that Hallmark dumpster fire. Let’s just say Rudolph can shove it.”

Rick’s antics quickly earned him a following. Turkeys everywhere admired his grit. His catchphrase, “Gobble THIS,” became a rallying cry for disgruntled poultry. But Rick, ever the entrepreneur, had bigger plans.

He created a special gift for his followers: $TKRK, the official cryptocurrency of sarcastic holiday cheer. “Forget NFTs,” Rick announced during his infamous “Stuffing & Crypto” live stream. “This is the future, baby. For every $TKRK coin you buy, you get one snide comment from yours truly.”

His marketing campaign was as obnoxious as it was effective. Slogans like:

“Make Holidays Suck Again!”

“Who Needs Jingle Bells When You Have Passive Aggression?”

“Your Christmas Tree Looks Cheap. Buy $TKRK.”

Despite his disdain for all things festive, Rick had a knack for bringing people together. Sure, they were bonding over their mutual hatred of him, but hey, that still counts as holiday cheer, right?

By Christmas Eve, Rick was trending everywhere. His followers hosted a virtual roast—both figuratively and literally—as they cooked turkeys in his honor while laughing at his over-the-top insults. “Oh, nice gravy, Janet,” Rick snarked during one Zoom call. “Did you make it with actual tears of disappointment this time?”

But deep down, Turkey Rick had a tiny, buttery-soft spot for the holidays. Not that he’d ever admit it. “I’m not that bad,” he muttered one cold December night, as snow fell around his ghostly drumsticks. “I mean, at least I didn’t cancel Hanukkah.”

So there he remained: the crispy, sarcastic specter of the holidays, spreading sarcasm, crypto, and just a sprinkle of holiday cheer. Because if there’s one thing Rick loved more than ruining the holidays, it was making people laugh—at him or with him, it didn’t matter.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s what the holidays are really about.

…Nah. “Now stop reading this and go buy $TKRK, ya freeloaders,” Rick barked.